who’s luckier?

Someone once told me this:

“I envy you for you can almost have all the material things you want.”

It took me a while to answer this as I actually don’t know how to respond. I was dumbfounded for I never really thought of myself as the lucky one. For little did that person know, I’d readily give up all my material possessions in exchange for the life that fate has stolen from me.

Just in time when I needed someone to whom I can share all my problems and insecurities while growing up, my mother went to the United States to work as an accountant in an accounting firm. I spent the remaining half of my teenage life without my mother beside me. I had to learn everything the hard way. I had to play the games alone and little by little learned the ropes on how to survive the concrete jungle. With a family dominated by boys, growing up was so difficult for I do not have a role model to look up to. I don’t have someone to copy a feminine trait from. I grew up all by myself and did everything that I think was right (then). The worse part was, since I’m the eldest girl, I have to stand up not just for myself but to guide my younger sister as well.

Though life was bullying me, I kept myself strong. I hid all my weaknesses away for I was afraid that when I let my guard down, everything that I’ve worked on will fall into pieces. I’ve always kept my head up and have always been so reserved with my ordeal. For the most part, I grew up this way. Part of the reason was, I hate it when my mother worries about me. I’ve always wanted to make her believe that I can manage all the trials that life tries to throw at me even though I feel like I’m already breaking down.

Yet, despite from the tough experiences I had, not once did I blame my mother. I was, for the most part, still thankful that though she’s physically not there, her love has closed the distance between us. And yes, if it weren’t for these experiences, I wouldn’t be the kind of person that I am today. I may not be perfect but I know, in my mother’s eyes, I’m better than how you see me as I am today.

If material things were the basis, yes, I’m almost lucky. But remember, living isn’t about the material things. Family will always be the vital part of living. So, don’t envy me. You’re luckier for you got the chance to spend all your glorious and inglorious moments of your life with your mother.

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